A bump in the road

Over the past few days a bump or bulge has begun to develop in the road outside my neighbour’s house. When it began to appear the bulge was hardly noticeable … but by yesterday morning it had grown until it was 100cm long, 60cm wide, and 15cm high. The surface of the bulge had also begun to crack, and a thin dribble of water was coming out of the cracks.

I reported what appeared to be a leak in the local water main to Thames Water (the utility provider) by tweet. This seemed to have no effect … so at lunchtime I reported the problem by email. By 9.00pm the cracks in the bulge had spread and deepened, and I decided to report the problem by telephone. After two attempts, and a wait of nearly twenty minutes, I finally managed to speak to a member of staff, and I was assured that the matter would be investigated.

A technician arrived this afternoon at 3.00pm, and after an extensive investigation he informed me that he could find no evidence of a water leak. When I asked him where the trickle of water that was coming out of the growing cracks was coming from, he stated that it was probably ground water seeping underneath the road surface, and that the hot weather was probably causing the bulge.

I have now reported the problem to the local council using an online form (they are responsible for maintaining the local roads and will only deal with problems that have been reported online), and I have had an automatic reply that informed me that my ‘incident report’ will probably be ‘investigated’ within two working days.

The bulge is continuing to grow, and the cracks are spreading over a wider area around the bulge. Vehicles keep hitting the bulge, and the Tarmac surface is now breaking up.

I wonder how bad the problem will be by the time someone from the council bothers to ‘investigate’.


16 Comments on “A bump in the road”

  1. Tomo says:

    The time it will take for an investigation is inversely proportional to the cost of the repair! 🙂

  2. Jim Duncan says:

    Is there a local news channel/newspaper that can highlight the situation?

  3. Tomo,

    A very true and useful rule-of-thumb!

    All the best,


  4. Jim Duncan,

    The local newspaper now only has two reporters to cover three boroughs, so unless I write the story for them I doubt if they would even bother to report it. Mind you, the massive punch-up that took place outside a local pub last night has been covered in depth … possibly because it needed fifty police officers, numerous police vehicles, and a police helicopter to arrest two men!

    All the best,


  5. Stu Rat says:

    Maybe the planet is giving birth to a cute little planetoid.

    Now Pluto will have a little friend. Awww…

    Sorry, just one of those days.

  6. Stu Rat,

    Now that would be worth seeing!

    All the best,


    PS. No need to apologise; it has been one of those days for me too!

  7. Jim Duncan says:

    What you need then is another 2 hooligans, 50 police officers, numerous vehicles and a helicopter fighting over this bump in the road.

  8. Jim Duncan,

    Now that is a good idea!

    Finding the hooligans isn't the problem; it's getting them drunk enough to fight over a bump in the road that is going to be difficult.

    All the best,


  9. Nigel Drury says:

    Give the bump its own facebook page and the council will spot it on social media.

  10. Nigel Drury,

    You might well have outlined an excellent strategy to get this bulge dealt with. I will give it some thought, and if the council does not 'investigate' soon, I may well follow your suggestion.

    All the rest,


  11. This just reminded me of the story about the guy in Manchester that drew lewd pictures around the potholes. The city wasted no time getting those fixed!

  12. Kevin Kearney,

    A nice idea … but I somehow think that all my local council would do is have me arrested for vandalising the road!

    All the best,


  13. and will the Martian war machine, or some other space craft or monster, emerge from the crack before they fix it?

  14. Ross Mac,

    I am replying to your comment whilst a tremendous thunderstorm – accompanied by torrential rain – is directly overhead. If a Martian war machine were to burst out of the bulge as I type, it would be no great surprise!

    All the best,


  15. Ross beat me to it. This sounds like the prelude to a bad remake movie starring Tom Cruise. Get out, man, while you still have time!

  16. Michael Peterson,

    The storm has passed … and no Martians have emerged … yet!

    All the best,


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